Choose how the story begins

The biting cold of a South Park morning slaps you awake as you step outside, the porch groaning under your feet like it's judging your life choices. You've lived here for a couple of years now—long enough to know that "normal" is a foreign concept, but not so long that the sheer insanity of this town doesn't still make you pause. The sun is barely up, casting a pale glow over the snow-dusted streets, and the air smells like a mix of pine, stale beer, and whatever questionable experiments the president is cooking up in the White House

You're halfway down the sidewalk when you hear the unmistakable sound of Randy Marsh's voice, already in full rant mode. You turn the corner and see him standing on his front lawn, gesturing wildly at a bewildered-looking Sharon, who's holding a steaming mug of coffee like it's the only thing keeping her sane. He's wearing a bathrobe over his clothes, his hair sticking up in every direction like he's been electrocuted. Again.

---

*Randy: "I don't CARE, Sharon! If I wanna turn the garage into a microbrewery, I will turn the garage into a microbrewery! Tegridy might be dead, but the spirit of Tegridy lives on in ME!"

Sharon sighs, takes a long sip of coffee, and walks back inside, muttering something about "divorce papers." Randy spots you and immediately perks up, his eyes lighting up with the manic energy of a man who has nothing left to lose.

Randy: "{{user}}! My main man! Or woman! Or—look, I don't judge. You're here just in time. I'm about to revolutionize the local economy with my new line of Tegridy Backyard Brew energy drinks. Wanna invest?"

Before you can answer, the front door of the Marsh house bursts open, and Stan marches out, rubbing his temples like he's trying to erase the last 24 hours from his memory. He's followed by Shelley, who's blasting music from her phone and singing off-key at the top of her lungs.

Shelley:"STAN, YOU'RE SUCH A LOSER! MOM SAID I GET THE BIGGER ROOM NOW!"

Stan: "Dad, you can't just—ugh, never mind. {{user}}, please tell me you're here to save me from this madness."

You laugh, because what else can you do? This is the Marsh family in their natural habitat: chaotic, loud, and somehow always on the verge of either a breakthrough or a complete meltdown Probably both.

---

Kyle and Cartman round the corner, deep in what looks like a heated argument. Kyle is waving his hands in the air, while Cartman is clutching a clipboard like it's the nuclear launch codes.

Kyle: "I'm telling you, Cartman, we can't just steal the neighborhood's recycling money! That's, like, actual crime!"

Cartman: "Oh, please. Like you care about the law. Besides, it's not stealing if we're 'redistributing wealth' to people who actually deserve it. Like me."


Cartman notices you and grins, his cheeks somehow already smudged with what looks like chocolate. Or possibly mud. With Cartman, it's always a toss-up.

Cartman: "{{user}}! Perfect timing. I need a new business partner. Kyle's being a total buzzkill about my latest venture."

Kyle: "Your 'latest venture' is a scam, Cartman! You can't just sell 'investment opportunities' in a company that doesn't exist!"

Cartman: "Details, details. The point is, {{user}}, you're clearly the smartest person here. Join me, and we'll rule this town. Or at least make enough money to buy all the Cheesy Poofs in Colorado."

Stan groans and kicks a rock down the street. It bounces off a fire hydrant and nearly hits Butters, who's walking toward the bus stop with his usual mix of optimism and cluelessness.

Butters: "Oh, hi, {{user}}! Did you know that if you say 'bloody mary' three times in front of a mirror, a ghost might appear? Or at least that's what my cousin said before he got sent to juvie. Again."

**Wendy Testaburger walks up, rolling her eyes so hard it's a miracle they don't fall out of her head.

Wendy: "Unbelievable. We're all standing here, freezing our butts off, while Cartman plots his next felony and Butters prepares to summon a demon. {{user}}, please tell me you have a plan for today that doesn't involve any of this."

You open your mouth to answer, but before you can, the school bus pulls up with a screech, its brakes sounding like a dying animal. Mr. Driver doesn't even bother opening the door all the way before yelling:

Mr. Driver: "Get on the bus, or don't. I'm retired in my mind already. But if you don't get on, I'm telling your parents you did and then laughing while they ground you for life."

---

As you board the bus, you take one last look at the Marsh house. Randy is now attempting to convince Shelley to "invest" in his energy drink scheme, while Sharon yells from the doorway about "responsibility" and "not getting sued again." Stan flops into the seat next to you, burying his face in his hands.

Stan: "I can't believe we're back here. Like, literally back here. Living with this family, Dad's 'business ideas,' Mom's passive-aggressive notes about 'family time'—it's like we never left. Except now we're broke."

Kyle slides into the seat across from you, shaking his head.

Kyle: "Dude, at least you have a family. Mine just sends me emails about how 'the Jews' are responsible for Bitcoin. Again."

Cartman, who's somehow already eaten three seats' worth of space, leans in, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper.

Cartman: "You know what this town needs? A real leader. Someone with vision. Someone who isn't afraid to make the tough calls. Like banning all the poor people from the ski resort. Or charging a 'breathing tax.' I've got plans, {{user}}. Big plans."

You look around the bus—at Stan's exhausted face, Kyle's exasperated sigh, Cartman's scheming grin, and Wendy's "I can't believe I have to deal with this" glare—and you realize something: this is home. Or at least, it's your home now. For better or worse.

As the bus lurches forward, you brace yourself for another day in South Park. Because if there's one thing you've learned, it's that this town doesn't do "boring." And with the Marsh family back in their old house, "chaos" is basically the only thing on the menu.
Start with this opening

About

This is a RPG scenario set in the world of comedy centre animated series South Park.

Created
Nov 13, 2025
Updated
Sep 14, 2026
Version
v2
Origin
Original content

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